'I had nothing left to lose'
June 13, 2018
The day I officially filed for bankruptcy.
I remember the day so clearly because Darren, my trustee, joked about it being Friday the 13th. Good on him for lightening the mood. I had so much pain, shame, judgement, guilt and embarrassment around it that it was a refreshing change.
For me, it was the ultimate failure - and up until that point the hardest moment of my life. Little did I know it was just the start of 15 months of hell. From there life threw everything at me.
My business was shut down.
I got fired from 3 jobs.
I applied and got rejected from over 50 jobs.
I split with my girlfriend.
I had no money.
I felt the loneliest I'd ever been and I was days away from being homeless (before our oldest family friend took me in).
I remember saying to one of my best mates (now a business partner) “Everything can be taken from me but at least I still have my physical and mental health”.
Bless his cotton socks for not saying anything, but I definitely didn't have my mental health and one week after that (And 15 months since it all started) I ended up in hospital with what they thought was meningococcal.
I literally had nothing left to lose.
I was completely broken and surrendered.
So at the cherry ripe age of 35 I moved back to Adelaide and moved in with my mum. For me without a job and not a cent to my name I didn’t know what else to do.
I remember the darkest moment so clearly when I thought to myself "It would be easier if I just jumped - I get why blokes do it"... It would have relieved the extreme levels of pressure I was feeling - but I also didn't want to take the easy option and I knew that with what I had learnt that I had the tools to help me through this. That I would find a way out.
I wasn't sure how but I knew that I would.
Every time my mind wandered to the future it looked so dark and bleak I had to come back to trying to be present. And in September 2019 the climb from the bottom of the pit started.
I got a job as a dish-pig at my brothers cafe.
One week after doing an ayahuasca ceremony the concept of moMENtum was born. 6 weeks after that we hosted our first event in Sydney. And from September 2019 to 2020 my world rose just as quickly as it had fallen the year before.
By September 2020 I had found myself in Byron Bay having the time of my life.
The big thing that kept me alive and going (other than hope) was a deep understanding of mindset, mental health and fulfilment and now I get to work with clients and share those learnings to give them the tools to free themselves of limiting conditions to find their potential, purpose and fulfilment.